So over on Big Fat Deal, I read about the Baby Food Diet, the latest thing celebrities are into. I don't think the idea is that new, really; I have a vivid memory of a skinny, pretty blonde girl at my high school eating baby food for lunch, and me looking at her with a mixture of envy and intense disgust.
Eating baby food? YUCK YUCK YUCK. I really don't understand these people. I'm sure that's partly why they're all size zeroes and I'm fighting to stay in a size 12; somehow, I can live with that.
Now, I admit that I am not an expert on baby foods, but we keep a stash of jars in the cupboard for my elderly diabetic kitty; there are times when he refuses his canned Hill's Science Chunks 'n' Parts and baby food is the only thing he'll condescend to eat. And he absolutely has to eat, so Gerber's it is.
And my husband and I both hate giving it to him because when you unscrew the jar and the first blast of Turkey Mush or Chewed-up Chicken hits your nose, it smells exactly like the stuff that comes out of the other end of the baby. No wonder babies cry all the time; I would too if I had to eat that.
I haven't tried the superfancy expensive Organic Shade-Grown Carrot brand that the article was touting (and why do I suspect that the company that manufactures this stuff probably paid Marie Claire to write the article in the first place? "How to market baby food to people who don't have babies ... oh, yeah -- the celebrities all eat it!"). Maybe that's because if I wanted carrots, I'd just eat some carrots. That's what my teeth are for.
Okay, I gave into my curiosity once last year. We bought a jar of banana custard baby food for our kitty who was dying of cancer and simply wouldn't eat; because he was sometimes drawn to lick up non-food things like my moisturizer, I reasoned that maybe if we got him some food that didn't smell like his usual food he'd eat it, or whatever I was telling myself in order to keep denying the hell out of reality. The kitty wouldn't eat it, of course, and I doubt he would have even if he'd been healthy. But I thought to myself "Hmmm. Banana custard, eh? I like bananas ... I like custard ... how bad could it be?"
The answer is "So horribly foul that I thought the top of my head was going to blow off." It was like eating banana-flavored Elmer's Glue. Remember that scene in "Big" when Tom Hanks tries caviar and then actually wipes his tongue off with a napkin? It was like that. I do think that shortly after that, the sick kitty consented to eat some actual cat food. I bet he didn't want me sticking that under his nose again. "Okay, okay ... I'll eat, already. Damn."
I don't deny that it could have value as a quick snack, or if you're ill and it's the only thing you can eat. But as a meal replacement? I'm relieved to know that there really are things I won't do to be thin.