A Dumbbell In A Home Gym

I Get It Already.

Dear Treadmill:

Yes, I realize it's been a while since I've walked/jogged on you. What with us joining the rec center with its fancy machines, and preferring to walk outside or ride our bikes or swim when we're not at the center, I can't blame you for feeling somewhat neglected down there in the cold basement.

But my goodness, it just isn't necessary to make those ungodly groaning and creaking noises when I first start walking. Yeah, I get it: It's been a while. I'm carrying some extra holiday pounds. Okay. You can stop with the horrible sounds now. I mean, really.

Anyhow, I did it. I enjoyed that trail walk on New Year's Day. On Wednesday night, I threw on my exercise clothes as soon as I got home and ran down to the basement before the sloth could set in. I popped an old-school "Doctor Who" DVD into the Xbox and alternated jogging and walking for a half hour. Just like old times. Mission for the day accomplished. And the poor treadmill stopped the dreadful noises after a minute or two. I think it's just getting old.

And tonight, we forced ourselves out into the bitter cold to go to the rec center, where I resumed my weightlifting.

My eating for the last couple of days has been spotless. (It helps that right now, after the holidays, I never want to hear the word "cookie" again.)

I hereby declare the first week of 2008 a success.

Reprioritizing.

After due reflection, I've decided to change my target weight to 150 pounds.

I've had to be honest with myself: I'm just not willing to do the calorie reduction/exercise increase necessary to get myself to the 130s by December. I could probably do it; the bottom line is that I just plain don't wanna, and there doesn't seem to be any compelling reason for me to go that low.

Being willing to admit that to myself -- and to others -- has been hard. It feels like I'm being a big Quitty McQuitterpants. On the other hand, after two and a half years of being Weight Loss Girl, I'm really ready to start focusing on other things in life. Rediscovering drawing has been a joy and a pleasure; it's been nice to concentrate on something that doesn't have one blessed thing to do with weight loss or fitness.

And the bottom line is that throughout this whole process, I've wanted to keep things fun and enjoyable. And it hasn't been fun to try to cut my calories back to the necessary level; it's been feeling way too much like the "die with a T on the end" type of dieting that ends up causing me to go batshit and eat everything that won't run off the plate. I utterly despise that "No margin for error" feeling. And I've been edging into the mindset of beating myself up mentally if I exceed my daily calorie goal. That's bad. Very bad. That kind of thinking takes me down mental paths I never want to revisit.

The SparkPeople calorie goals for 150 seem much more reasonable. I'm also hoping that as the weather continues to improve and the community pool opens at the end of May (woohoo!), I'll be able to get in more exercise. I'm sorry to say that for the most part, the indoor pool at the rec center has been a massive disappointment. At any given time, more than half the available lanes in the lap pool are being taken up by classes or swim team practice (if the pool isn't closed outright for a swim meet), and while I'm not averse to sharing lanes, it's not my favorite way to swim. It's particularly daunting if I'm sharing a lane with the local answer to Michael Phelps; I do try to choose lane partners who match my own turtlelike pace, but I don't always get that choice.

And frankly, it pisses me off a little. It's annoying to shell out hundreds of dollars for a facility that I don't even get to use all that much. It's not that I don't enjoy the fitness room there, but the pool was the original draw.

There is a huge gym nearby that appears to have a pool in the basement, and my husband and I have kicked around the idea of checking it out when our membership at the rec center runs out. It's bound to be a lot more expensive, but if we actually get to use the pool more frequently, it might end up being worth it.

There hasn't been much else going on besides me being sick as a dog. The only recent highlight was a quick shopping trip to Urban Outfitters last Friday, when I had the amazing experience of finding exactly the kind of thing I was looking for (a little and light bolero-type black sweater that was perfect for the "Now it's hot/now it's not" weather we were having that day) that was on sale and then marked down even more from the sale price; it set me back $10. And it was a size S. That night at dinner, it occurred to me that for the first time in eons, I was wearing two different clothing items with an "S" on the tags. I don't think the size S stuff is ever going to get old. (Not to me, anyhow. You might be rolling your eyes and muttering "Oh, god, here we go again with this." Sorry 'bout that.)

PS: Because I know you guys were all waiting in suspense, it's official: "Drive" is gone after four whole episodes, my reputation as a fearsome showkiller is intact, and I think Hell will freeze over before I start watching another new Fox show. Or any new shows, really. I'm fed up with getting interested in a new program just to get the rug yanked out from under me, and that's the rule rather than the exception these days.

Now let's see if I can do something productive with the time that frees up. Happy weekend, all.

Successful Loser: The Sequel.

Drat. For the last couple of days we've had lovely warmer weather; I could go out for my lunchtime walks without feeling like my head was going to fall off from all the shivering. I didn't even need a scarf or gloves. Over lunch today, a stupid storm blew through our area and brought us a cold front. Thanks a lot, stupid storm. It's freezing outside again.

Anyhow.

Just for the fun of it I was looking through my archives, and I came across this entry. (The link to the Washington Post article still works, if you're curious. It's a good piece.) I wrote it a year and a half ago, which boggles my mind; have I really been at this for that long? Whoa.

That's one entry that seems to call for an update. How am I doing with all those habits now? Do I get to call myself a successful loser yet? Here goes:

"No Quick Fixes." Er, I think it's safe to say that I've got that one down. Next?

"Be Active." I cannot tell a lie: I'm not even remotely back to where I'd like to be in terms of activity. On the weekends, I'm great. We get out to the rec center, go bowling, take walks, and do other busy stuff. (Operation "Move heavy boxes of old books all over the house" has been a pretty good workout itself.) But on weeknights, I'm still having a terrible time getting motivated to move my body. It's getting warmer here again -- or was, anyhow -- and I hope that the improved weather will help snap me out of hibernation mode.

"Track Your Weight." I've really come to understand the value of this tip in the last few months. It's easy for me to hop on the scale when I'm eating well and working out like a fiend and know that I'll probably like the number I see. But it's too easy to kid myself that I'm not doing any damage if I pair sloppy eating and lax exercise habits with scale avoidance. I think I'm learning to remain calm if I've had a clean week and yet the scale fluctuates up a pound or two; it's when I know I'm screwing around and the scale goes up that I need to worry.

"Enlist Support." As always, my husband has been a big help to me in all this (except when he's being a cookie enabler). The support I get from all of you really helps as well. Mwah!

"Start Your Day With Breakfast." Absolutely. Wouldn't dream of doing otherwise.

"Set Small Goals." This tip makes more sense to me now that I'm in a lower weight range, and losing a few pounds is a lot more of a struggle. I can see where focusing on five pounds at a time would be less daunting than one big goal.

"Find Motivation to Get Started." Done that. "Find Motivation to Keep Going" is more the issue these days.

"Set a Limit for Regaining Pounds." Right now, that limit is 175; when I was in my really bad phase and the scale started creeping towards that number, I decided I had to crack down. If I get over 175, that means that there's less than 25 pounds between me and 200, a number that I never want to see on my scale again.

"Plan Ahead." Meh. Sometimes I'll do that and sometimes I won't, and it honestly doesn't make much difference either way.

"Figure on Plateaus." Boy, I sure was a cocky thing when I addressed that one last time. Back then, I was in the "honeymoon" phase of my weight loss journey. I was working out steadily, I was eating food I enjoyed, the weight was just falling off, and the days were full of wonder and joy and sunshine and compliments and jeans and shorter skirts. It was hard for me to believe it wouldn't always be that way. I'm older, wiser, and smaller now. Granted, most of my plateaus (plateaux?) were entirely due to me not taking into account that I needed to keep cutting back my calorie consumption if I wanted to continue losing, or me telling myself that having chocolate bars night after night was perfectly OK.

"Reward Yourself." You know, I've gotten out of the habit of doing that, and maybe it's time to start again. Maybe I'll treat myself to some badly-needed smaller bike pants if I can stay on target through the end of March.

"Stick With It for the Long Haul." Well, it's been nineteen months since I wrote the first entry, and I'm still here. The road's been bumpy and I've got bruises on my ass from all the times I've tumbled off the wagon in the past year. But I haven't given up. I can live with that.

Happy Friday, all.

The Bad News And The Good News.

So it's time for me to suck it up and post an official weight.

The bad news is that it's 169, which is definitely going in the wrong direction from my goal. Sigh.

The good news is that this weight is actually a couple of pounds down from where I was in mid-January. What can I say? Last month largely sucked. I couldn't turn off holiday eating to save my life. It's only been in the last couple of weeks that I've started feeling back in control again.

But the feeling of being back in control is a relief. My jeans are loose again. My mother saw me today and told me my face looked even thinner than before.

30 pounds to December.

I swear -- this cold weather is not helping anything.

Dear Weather: Okay. I get the hint. I promise -- nay, I solemnly swear -- that I'll never, ever again bitch that it's "unseasonably warm" for winter. So you can stop with the bitter cold and the painful winds now, okay? You are seriously damaging my determination to work out.

I can't ride my bike. It's been so cold that I can't bear the thought of getting in the pool. I've had to drag my pathetic carcass out for my lunchtime walks under extreme protest, and only because sitting in the office all day makes me squirrely. (I guess that if nothing else, I can pride myself in becoming someone who needs that little bit of mid-day exercise to keep from going batty. Or battier. Whatever.)

Enough already. Really. I get the point.

Two Years: Sequelitis.

A side note: I thought for sure that the first commercial to annoy me this year would be one of those "Kamikaze New Year Weight Loss" ads, but nope: I just saw a Burger King commercial telling the viewer to "Eat like a MAN," where eating like a MAN means eating triple-decker crapburgers with cheese. Barf. I know this isn't a new advertising trend by any means, but this is the first time I've seen that particular ad. Oh dear ... my husband doesn't eat like a MAN. But the good news is that I might get to have him around a little longer because of his preference for unmanly fare like beans and fruit and nuts and tofu. I can live with that. I bet he can too.

Anyhow.

You know how it's almost a given that the second movie in a series is never as good as the first one? Doesn't it seem that for every "Terminator 2: Judgment Day," there are about 10 "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Dooms"?

That's kind of how it was with my second year of lifestyle change. (I was feeling a lot cheerier after my first year.)

Okay: This year was not a failure by any means. Far from it. I lost more weight, and my husband and I continued to seek out new and different ways to exercise. I rediscovered swimming, which added a lot of joy to my summer. We joined a rec center. I regained about four pounds at the end of the year, but this is hardly a tragedy.

But there's no denying that I started to derail around midyear. Word to the wise: No matter how much weight you lose, never, ever assume that you've got this weight loss shit figured out for all time. It's much easier to backslide than I ever would have believed.

This year I learned some unpleasant lessons. I learned firsthand that the closer you get to a weight goal, the harder you're going to have to work to get there. This still seems profoundly unfair, somehow. I was dimly aware of this little wrinkle, but perhaps in my smugness I believed it wouldn't be a problem for me. Like I'd get extra credit because I'd lost so much already. Nope. It's an awful feeling, especially when you've been at this for a while and tend to think "UGH -- I'm so tired of this!" in your darker moments.

I also found out that the "small changes" theory of weight loss can work in reverse. Giving myself an extra night off from exercise; getting a grande instead of my usual tall skim mocha; treating myself to junk food (even the baked kind) in the afternoons ... it really is that easy to start backsliding no matter how firmly entrenched you think your new habits have become. I still don't believe in cutting out all "bad" food for all time; that's not a life I'm interested in, thanks. But there's a very fine line between "occasional treat" and "habit", and last year I spent a little too much time on the wrong side of that line.

But you know what? "Last year" is just that. "Last." 2006 is over. What matters is what's ahead of me and what I do in the new year. The good news is that I didn't put on any additional weight over December. Being mindful of my "In the Thirties by 39" challenge kept me balancing my meals and moving my body just enough to stave off tightening waistbands. And now I'd like to get the scale moving down again. I'm ready.

So let's hope that Year Three is more of an "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade," and less of a "Godfather Three."

Just Chugging Along.

First off, some fantastic news: NICOLE'S BACK! Christmas came early! Go say hello.

And now some not-so-hot news: 168. That's my new starting weight on my way to my "In the Thirties By 39" goal. Yay me. I'm lucky the damage wasn't much worse, really. 3.5 pounds just isn't that much of a much. But that still sucks. It's too close to 170.

The challenge is going okay; I hit a snag when I developed some kind of bug that left me feeling pukey and fatigued on Sunday and Monday. I came home from work Monday night, went straight up to bed, and slept away a good part of the evening. That seemed to do the trick. I swear -- it isn't Christmas for me if I don't get sick in some way, although the illness of choice has been a bad head cold for the last few years. I'll be divinely happy if I've gotten the Christmas Bug out of the way for the season.

I haven't lost any actual pounds, but that pair of black jeans that I could finally wear had started getting forbiddingly tight. And now they're okay again, so that's something.

I also took advantage of the unseasonably warm weather on Saturday and went swimming for the first time in a while. One thing I did not take into account when I was all gung-ho about joining the rec center and using the pool was that the pool might not be quite as much fun on chilly autumn evenings, when I'd be leaving the warm confines of the center and stepping out into freezing cold nights with my hair still damp. It's dampened (har) my enthusiasm for the pool.

I don't know why this didn't occur to me before; my only defense is that summer weather hangs on so long in my area that when it's October and still in the 80s, part of me starts believing that it's never going to get cold here again. Yes, the locker room has hairdryers (well, hand-blowers situated high enough on the wall that you can stick your head under them without getting a crick in your neck), but my hair is thick and takes ages to dry, and I get sick of being around running, shrieking half-naked children long before my hair is dry. Oh well.

Other than all that, I'm trying really hard to eat moderately and enjoy walking around DC at Christmastime. This really is my favorite season. Hope yours is going well.

Obligatory "Hi! I'm Alive!" Post.

Goodness. I didn't mean to go this long without updating again, but the week really got away from me.

Anyhow: Thanks for all the well-wishes for my birthday and for my challenge. The birthday was a blast.

How's my challenge going? I'd give myself a B minus for this week so far. I'm slowly and gradually getting back on track and this week was much better than recent weeks have been, but I haven't been able to change everything all at once. I'm still having Issues (with a capital I) getting motivated to work out at home. And I've still made the occasional unwise food decision.

But hey -- nothing wrong with making a few changes at a time either. That's kind of how this all started for me anyhow.

No, I haven't posted an official weight yet. This week was That Time of the Month, and I figure the news is going to be bad enough after the last few weeks without adding in a few extra pounds of bloat. By this weekend, I think everything should have resolved well enough for me to post something.

Last night we went to the rec center. Instead of hanging out on the weight machines, I tried some of the free weight equipment -- the bench press and the squat rack. Very cool. I don't mind weight machines, but there's something about hefting free weights that makes me feel like quite the badass momma.

Oh, and they have something akin to this thing (it isn't as fancy) that I tried out because the high school kids who hang out in the place make it look relatively easy.

Um, yeah. I'm insane. I could get my legs up like that for about one split-second raise, entirely unlike Ms. Smiley pictured in the ad. "Look at me! I could just hang out here with my legs like this all darn day if I felt like it!"

Maybe someday ...

In The Thirties By 39: Nicole's Challenge.

I was in the fitness room at the rec center on Thursday night pedaling away on a stationary bike, and I hatched A Plan.

Fact: As you may have gathered (possibly because I've mentioned it in, oh, EVERY entry for the last month or so), I am in a bit of a rut.

Fact: On Sunday I'm turning 38. (I'm not freaking out about this, in case you were wondering. I like the number 8, so I like having an 8 in my age. I was born in 1968. 8 is round and friendly, kind of the way I think of myself. My husband said I'll be really tickled when I hit 88.)

Fact: I am forever looking for new and different ways to shake things up and keep myself focused on my goals.

While I was pedaling away, my brain went off on some strange riff centered around the thirties. My goal weight is 135 ... I'm in my late thirties ...

And then it hit me: my new challenge for myself.

"In the Thirties By 39."

That's it. By December 10, 2007, I want my weight to be in the 130s. That should be a little more than 25 pounds away. It seems sane and doable to me.

My goal is 135, but I'll be content if I can celebrate my 39th birthday with a weight that starts with "13..." even if it isn't precisely 135.

(And I won't beat myself up if I don't get there; if I've managed to get back on track and stay there for another year, that's an accomplishment in and of itself even if my weight stabilizes at a higher number.)

Wouldn't that be cool? To be facing my last year before the 40s at the lowest weight I've been since my early 20s? A steady year of fitness and healthful eating; that sounds like the best gift I could give myself.

Resolved: Starting on Monday, no more self-pity and no more "Just for tonight, you can have a chocolate bar even though you had one last night, and the night before that ... " crap.

I'll go into SparkPeople and start tracking my food and exercise more carefully again. I'll reset everything with the new goal in mind and abide by their daily calorie ranges and exercise recommendations.

I'll also weigh myself and post it in my about page stats. I am NOT looking forward to that because I suspect the last few weeks have done quite a bit of damage, but I need to own whatever happened and then move on.

I've also been wearing my pedometer and trying to get in 10,000 steps every day this week. I believe that's a daily goal worth continuing, so that's going to figure into my plan too.

Yes, I realize I'm doing this at the height of the Christmas season with all its attendant parties and feasting, but I'm not that worried. I actually lost a good chunk of weight during the holidays last year, so I know I can handle it.

My birthday gift to myself for this year? I'm giving myself the weekend to just relax and have fun and stop stressing about food and exercise. That doesn't mean I'm giving myself permission to eat everything that won't run off the plate, mind you; the "Stop when you're satisfied" rule is still in effect. And I'd love to go on a bike ride or swim on Sunday if it's even remotely possible (i.e., not too damn cold). Oh, and tomorrow we're making my annual birthday pilgrimage to Dave & Buster's (if you've never been, it's basically an arcade and bar for adults). Speaking of exercise, I want a rematch with their Dance Dance Revolution machine.

Ah. A new challenge. I feel invigorated just thinking about it.

(Now, of course, I need to actually do it.)

Back On The Wagon.

That picture has nothing to do with this entry; I just like it. It was taken a couple of weeks ago. That was a good weekend.

Today's weight, and my official weight for August: 164.5.

Could it be? Am I going to spend a lot less time in the sixties than I did in the seventies? That'd make me very happy indeed.

This is definitely one of my least-deserved weight losses. Last week was a double whammy of PMS and a stressful family situation. My mindful eating went right out the window, to be replaced by "Me want food. Want food NOW. What me cram in piehole next?"

For everything that went right this month, I have to give some credit to SparkPeople (and thanks to Nicole for first writing about it). I like having the ability to track calories, exercise, daily goals, and even water-drinking in one place. Even though my recent calorie consumption has been way over the cutoff that SparkPeople set for my daily goal, my calories burned via exercise have also been considerably over my weekly goal. That's probably what saved me this month.

The nutrition articles that SparkPeople sends every day don't tell me anything I didn't know and the food tracker isn't all that extensive (and it's fairly US-centric), but I've picked up some cool strength-training exercises from them. And I like the daily racking-up of SparkPoints; it's silly, but it's got my interest anyhow. On the whole, the site has definitely helped me to get focused and motivated again.

I had a brilliant swim on Saturday morning; save for one quick break to chug down some Gatorade, I did laps for pretty much an hour straight. I must be fitter than I think I am because even after I quit for good I felt as if I could have kept going, although my legs and arms started tiring out by the end.

Then I came home and watched a swimming competition on TV. I wish I knew how to do the butterfly stroke; that's the only stroke I was never taught and I love watching it. It looks so powerful. I've tried to do one, or what I think looks like one, but I've come to call my rendition the "Drowning Butterfly"; my arms don't even clear the water the way they're supposed to when the butterfly is performed by swimmers who know what the hell they're doing. I'm surprised the lifeguards don't fall out of their chairs laughing at me. Good thing that I'm mostly over this whole "Fear of looking like an idiot in public" business.

Apropos of nothing, I'm so glad I'm not Michael Phelps. I suppose the six Olympic golds and the attendant fame and fortune might be nice, but yesterday the commentators were behaving like he'd wasted everyone's time if he didn't set a new world record every time he swam. Never mind if he'd won the competition by a mile. Sheesh. No pressure there.

Finally, to start off the workweek with a laugh, check out Matt Dinniman's "The top ten stupidest 'As Seen on TV' products." Not surprisingly, stupid weight loss and fitness aids are represented pretty well on the list. My personal favorite? The vomit-scented plastic you're supposed to sniff in a very desperate attempt to kill your appetite.

Gross. (And that thing sold for $49.95!? Sweet merciful crap -- I need to quit my job and get to inventing!)

The Penultimate Goal.

Okay ... it's not quite time for my end-of-the-month official weigh-in, but the heck with it. I'm claiming it now: 169. I've gotten it for a couple of days. So as far as I'm concerned, I've finally hit my second goal.

I wanted to be more excited about this, but it's taken so damned long to get here that by now it seems anticlimactic. It took me almost as long to lose those 30 pounds as it did to lose the first 70. Sheesh.

But now I can stop thinking about 170 at last, and move on to my penultimate goal: 135. That's the weight where I always felt the most comfortable in the past; neither too high, nor so artifically low that I had to starve myself to stay there. I'll also have a couple of spare BMI points between "normal" and "overweight." Honestly, I'll be delighted with anything under 150, but I'll shoot for 135 and see what happens.

Turns out that cutting my calories down really was the way to go for me. When I was heavier, I couldn't go much below 1500 or I'd end up going on an insane eating rampage a couple of days later. This week, I hovered around 1350 every day and felt fine; I even left food on my plate at dinner. My eating habits were getting sloppy anyhow, so this provided a great opportunity to tidy them up. I've also been following some of the Volumetrics ideas just to keep myself feeling satisfied with less food.

And I've been using FitDay to plan every day's menu in advance. I never thought I'd do that -- it made me worry about getting too obsessive -- but it's been very helpful this week. It takes all the guesswork out of things; it's kept me focused.

So. Let's see how far that carries me on my way down to 135.

My ultimate goal, which is the scariest one of all because it's the one thing I've never been able to do, is to successfully maintain my weight and avoid regaining everything I've lost. But I'll worry about that when I get there.