So, as planned, we went to the pool this morning.
Oh, swimming. Where have you been all my life?
Okay, I know. You were always there. It wasn’t you; it was me. I changed. I believed I was too fat to swim anymore, or at least too fat to swim in any place where someone could actually see me in my bathing suit.
Let’s never break up again, okay? Okay. Mwah!
So yes, I loved swimming. Every bit of it brought back joyful memories: Easing into the pool and going “yeeeeeek!” at the initial shock of the cool water against my warm skin. Jumping off the diving board and plunging down, down, down into the deep end. Or just stretching out on my back and floating peacefully.
And I’m honestly amazed at how much I remembered of the actual swimming strokes. I guess the lessons I took throughout my childhood must have embedded themselves permanently in my brain. I first remember taking lessons when I was but a tiny thing at the Y in New York City, swimming in a pool that reeked of chlorine so strongly that I thought the fumes would crisp my nostril hairs. After that, there were summers of lessons at my community pool in Maryland and then at my various summer camps. I even had a spiffy little Red Cross certified swimmer card.
Lord knows I’m not the most efficient swimmer in the world -- and never was -- but today I could do a passable freestyle, until I got tired of having my face in the water and rolled over onto my back for the backstroke. That’s probably my favorite move.
There was only one drawback: My husband absolutely HATES being in the pool. It goes way beyond "This sucks and I'm not having any fun" into a near-phobia of being in the water. It turns out he's always had this aversion. He’d been trying to keep it quiet because he didn’t want to spoil my enthusiasm, but he couldn’t hide it for long today. He couldn’t have looked more miserable if he’d been in the front row at a Britney Spears concert. (Yes, that would make him miserable.) I tried to teach him how to float on his back, but since my advice boiled down to “Well, you just ... I dunno, stretch out on your back and then don’t move,” I wasn’t too helpful. I’m trying to think of ways to couch floating in yoga terms, since he’s a yoga nut. He wants to try the pool again soon, although I’ve told him that he shouldn’t force himself if he doesn’t like it. He told me he’s content to sit in the lounge chairs poolside with a good book, so who knows?
I felt badly for him, but I had a ball. If only I knew a way to bottle that feeling and give some to him. I had to remind myself of my “Start new activities slowly” exercise principle, because I probably could have splashed and stroked around for hours. It was hard for me to remember that I’m 37 and prone to DOMS and fatigue rather than eight years old and tireless. (I’d remember it every time I climbed out of the pool and felt gravity drag on my body again, though -- whew.)
And tonight my skin still smells of chlorine and sunblock, even after a shower. It’s a nice, warm, familiar, comforting scent. It smells like summer. I’m very tired now, but I’m content.
Oh, and the whole “wearing a bathing suit in public” thing? I barely thought about it. It helps that without my glasses or contacts I can’t see more than a few feet in front of me, so I couldn’t really see anyone else’s bodies (and start judging my own against theirs) or see if they were scoffing at mine. Besides, anyone who looked at my body for more than a couple of seconds would likely have gone blind from the glare off of my pale white body parts that haven’t been exposed to the sun in over 11 years, anyhow.
Honestly, I just don’t care that much anymore. (And I seriously doubt that anyone else did either.) It’s totally weird to not care, but over the past year and a half I’ve become acutely aware of how much I cheated myself out of because I was worried about what others would think. It’s way past time to stop doing that to myself.
The pool is open until 8:00 every night, so I do believe I’ve found a new activity to throw into my workout rotation for the next couple of months. I’ve been kicking ass with the “All Dumbbells! All the Time!” program off of Stumptuous (and even did the lower body workout this morning before hitting the pool), but it’s nice to know that I’ve got a new option.
There is nothing like swimming on a hot day. It's such great exercise and you don't realize it at the moment you are doig it. I love to swim too. I live in a condo that has a great in ground heated pool. I live in Wisconsin, so our pool season is short but I love it. I am in the pool every day weather permitting. Enjoy!!
Posted by: Kim | June 18, 2006 at 09:55 AM
Hurray! I'm so glad you went and didn't miss all the fun. It's sad what we deny ourselves because of FAT. Feck it!
Posted by: Marla | June 19, 2006 at 11:23 AM
Now you made me want to give it a try again. I haven't been in a pool in years and years.
Maybe you and hub could take swimming lessons together?
Posted by: lme (little miss ess) | June 19, 2006 at 11:52 AM
YAY!! I love swimming. That is one thing that I have not denied myself even though I do feel awkward and VISIBLE and stared at. I also tend to avoid those suits that have the cute skirts that hide the thighs, so I'm out there all on front street.
However, swimming is such a joy that I just suck it up and go. I think you're right, nobody is looking at me. It's not like I"m being chased out of the lake by an angry mob wielding pitchforks and torches!
Posted by: Laura Bora | June 20, 2006 at 11:12 AM
Ok, I'm gonna go back & look, but in either Fitness magazine or SELF, there was a whole Yoga Swimming routine!!! If I find it, I let you know!
Posted by: Paige | June 21, 2006 at 06:02 PM
OHhhh awesome you've given me the best ideas Hun thanks!!! So glad you found something else to love.
I feel for your hubby ;( (but I had a little giggle at your explanation on how to float) I hope he'll enjoy it soon!
Posted by: Dee | June 21, 2006 at 07:09 PM
Got back in the pool myself last night for the first time in 6 months. But it sucks leaving the nice warm pool building to go back into our nasty winter night - 5 degrees celsius!
Posted by: Sue | June 22, 2006 at 07:04 PM
How your post took me back! I was at the pool all the time as a child - I even taught swimming when I was a teen. I miss it! We used to live at an apt. complex with one but I didn't go there often. I really feel like making an effort now - so I'm going to have to find a pool I can join. Thank you for a wonderful post!
Posted by: Dawno | June 25, 2006 at 03:23 PM