(The above is why we're probably not going to be invited to any more gingerbread house decorating parties next Christmas. Or ever. It summed up this season really well for me, though.)
Hiatus over. See? Told you I'd be back.
So this is why December sucked: I spent my birthday having my elderly cat put to sleep. I'd had Rascal for almost my entire adult life; it's hard for me to think of a time when he hasn't been around. He was my buddy when I lived alone and was desperately lonely; I'd come home from a shitty day at work, hear him howling before I'd even turned the key in my apartment door, and think "Well, someone missed me." And even though he'd been declining for a while and I knew his time with us was growing short -- and that given the various illnesses he had, I got far more time with him than I had any right to expect -- his death still broke my heart. This wasn't like the last time one of our cats died; Rascal had a good long life and we have no regrets about any of the medical decisions we made for him. But it still left me completely gutted. We came back from the vet and sprawled on the sofa and watched the first Harry Potter movie (the most innocuous thing either one of us could think of) and drank hot chocolate and cried.
(I think that since my 39th birthday was so shitty, I get to be 38 for another year. That seems only fair, right?)
That pretty much knocked every last bit of joy out of the holiday season for me. After that, I was just going through the motions. Neither one of us was in the holiday spirit at all. If you're generally on my snail-mail Christmas card list and didn't hear from us this year, I apologize; we meant well, but we just didn't get to them.
If it weren't for my husband I probably wouldn't have gone to the gym at all for the rest of the month; I just couldn't care less. I had very little energy, and no inclination to spend what little energy I had exercising. And my eating went completely to hell, too.
2007 had its occasional high points but was, on the whole, a rotten year, and I guess I'm not surprised that I really struggled with my eating and exercise habits. I'm afraid I've still got some real work to do when it comes to the whole "Not abusing food when things get bad" issue. I always will, it seems.
But that's over. It's 2008 now. Time for me to get back on the stick. When things already kind of suck, letting my eating and exercise go to hell until my clothes start pinching only makes things worse.
As far as I'm concerned, this year is a totally new start. I'm going to try to think as if the last three years didn't happen and this year's effort is an entirely new one. For reasons I can't quite articulate, I feel like I've been coasting on the previous weight loss for too long. It's as if I assumed that the good habits I developed would just kick back in eventually without any actual effort on my part, and that's Not Good.
I've already blown all my old plans and stats out of Spark People and started my tracking there anew. And I'm going to try to restart by doing exactly what I did in the beginning: going slowly, instead of trying to make too many radical changes at once. I need to remember to keep doing the small things that add up: Taking the stairs more often (I'd been slacking on this a lot since my company's move to the Hellmouth earlier this year). Measuring my portion sizes with actual measuring cups instead of my eyes, which were starting to become very unreliable judges. Entering my food into SparkPeople. I hate, hate, HATE doing that, but it really does help keep my eyes open about what I'm eating.
And I bought myself a little gift for the new year, suspecting I might need it: an "All is forgiven; move on" rubber bracelet from Our Lady of Weight Loss. No more beating myself up for whatever I failed to do last year.
My husband and I went for a nice long trail walk today. It was brisk and windy out, but the walk felt great. A very good start for a new year.
i'm sorry to hear about your cat, rascal, just thinking about losing my max and tears come to my eyes... funny how some people just don't GET how attached you become to a pet, esp. when they are with you for such a long time... sounds like he had a great life though, so take comfort that he was very happy... :o)
i also went for a nice walk/jog this afternoon - felt great to be outside and to be doing something good, for me, on new years day... here's to a great '08! :o)
Posted by: jodi | January 01, 2008 at 04:09 PM
I'm so very sorry to hear about losing your friend. Our animal companions become such a part of our lives and it's very difficult when they leave us. I'm glad that you have such fond memories of him to carry with you.
I loved your gingerbread house and it summed up exactly how I felt about the holidays this year! They were trying and difficult and I'm glad to move past them for this year. You can come to a gingerbread house party of mine anytime!
Happy 2008!
Posted by: Lisa | January 01, 2008 at 09:31 PM
I'm so sorry about your cat. Losing my last kitty was absolutely wrenching and I missed him for a long time.
I was just looking through your pictures and realized that I am totally copying you. I bowl with a hello kitty bowling ball in our league (because I saw yours and HAD to have one) and I bought three of those heart lockets from shanalogic (two for my nieces and one for me). You're a trend-setter -- well, at least for me. I hope I follow your trend of getting back to business in 2008.
Posted by: susan | January 02, 2008 at 03:45 PM
I am so very sorry about losing your friend. I have more empathy for your situation than I can even begin to write here. I don't know if it helps at all, but when the time comes for me to have let go ... and it's coming fast, I'm planning on grieving by getting a tattoo and planting a tree. Maybe not the most traditional of mourning gestures, but it has to be better than becoming somnolent, and that is my fear.
A scrubbed off start to a new year is something I need, too. Best wishes to you Nicole. - dayzella/Salma
Posted by: dayzella | January 02, 2008 at 05:06 PM
I'm sorry about your cat, too. A neighbor of mine lost her cat this year. And even though he wasn't my pet (not technically, anyway), I still miss him.
I couldn't agree more with your gingerbread house. Personally, I'm glad 2007 is over. I hope 2008 is a year that rocks.
Posted by: Debbie | January 03, 2008 at 01:22 PM
Actually, that gingerbread house looks a lot better than the ones I've made. Here's to 2008!
Posted by: PastaQueen | January 03, 2008 at 02:21 PM
Your ginger bread looks fantastic. Really very nice!
Posted by: kenfromco | February 04, 2008 at 11:28 AM
I like the river boat gym idea. A more basic idea that might work though would be hooking dynamo’s up to all the eliptical, treadmill, and byclces at the gym and harnessing that electrical power for use by the gym. I would totally get a membership if the River boat gym every opens a location on Ladybird lake and would definitely try to run over the crew teams. haha no hard feelings crew members
Posted by: home gym equipment | December 21, 2008 at 02:18 PM